Post Adoption

Our First Family Photo

Yesterday was World Adoption Day.  Inspired by all my adoptive mama friends who were posting pictures, I went back and looked through my first pictures of my children.  

These are our first pictures taken as a family, and while you may notice that our kids are super cute, I can't help but remember the feelings of that woman in this picture!  Overwhelmed, excited, nervous, inadequate, fearful, unsure about what the next hour would hold.  We had only been a family for a week in this photo and I was exhausted by the adjustment!  

I loved seeing all the excitement about adoption yesterday!  It's a great time of year to increase awareness about what can be done for children around the world.
This post, though, is for those moms and dads who have already brought their children home.  Post-Adoption Day/ week/ month/ year is where we need each other the most.

Maybe you feel like this woman in this picture, like I did.  Maybe you feel scared and afraid to hope for much.  Let me say, "It gets SO much better!  You don't have to risk hoping if you can't do that right now- call someone who will step in and hope for you!"

Maybe you feel exhausted, let me validate that feeling for you!  The beginning is nothing short of a marathon run, bringing two or three families together at one time, meeting so many needs in such a short time while trying to remember to eat and sleep is overwhelming.  If you feel this way, you are not alone!

Or maybe you feel numb.  You have taken on a huge responsibility and this child is having such a hard time!  Your love for your child grew and grew in your heart until you took them home, and then all of a sudden your expectations of how it would feel were shattered.  All that you have tried doesn't seem to help much and you are feeling the beginnings of some darkness you didn't know was there before all of this.

I have not talked with an adoptive mother yet, and I have talked with many, who has not gone through at least one of these things.  Here is where many would say, "reach out to people" or give you a list of things to do to "make it through".  I'm less about the doing these days and more about the being.  Be vulnerable with friends and family.  If you know reaching out is hard, let them know.  There are trustworthy people out there that know what you are going through and want to reach out to you!  

To your friends and family, those who know and love you and know you have recently adopted:  You are the ones who are called to support.   It doesn't have to be complicated, and in fact, it's better if it is simple; more begin with and less trying to do the exact best thing.  If you know someone who you haven't seen for a while and who has recently adopted:

• call them or send them a note without expectation
• encourage them with just listening and not trying to fix but sitting with them in their struggle
• bring them food unannounced
• you may not be able to stay and chat, but you can give to them in their time of need
• do their laundry without permission
• set up times to pray for them throughout the day and let them know your heart for them
• invite them for some mindless time outside of the house.  

These are the things that got us through and the things I now do for my newer adoptive-parent friends.  People who just sat with us in our pain and struggle were miracles in our worst times.

All the post-adoption feelings, even the ones you are surprised by, are NORMAL feelings.  This is the hard that comes with adoption.  This is also the beauty that grows a work in you that deepens your faith, removes the scales from your eyes to see how God is different from what you thought He was.  How He is much more giving, less micromanaging.  How He has more faith in you, less disappointment.  How He grieves with you, not asks you to do more.  You may not be here yet, but I pray you have someone pouring into you who gives to you in these ways that God does.  And then you can give to others out of being poured into!

These children who I love now with a fierceness came into my home and changed my world.  At the time, and still sometimes, I did not feel the overwhelming calling and goosebumps I did when I knew we were called to adopt.  I also know that it shouldn't have to be this way- adoption is not God's first plan, Wholeness is.  I'm living out a Restorative Story that came about through grieving, struggle, and trauma, but is guiding me toward more wholeness than I thought was possible.  I pray that I give to my children more and more out of my whole-heartedness.  And I pray for you new adoptive parents- that you may have people in your life that give to you out of their whole-heartedness too.

And because they are insanely precious and I can't stand how tiny they are here, I'm posting a few other pictures of our first two weeks together as a new family: