You Do Not Have to Be Good

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
For a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about your despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.....

Mary Oliver, from the poem "The Wild Geese"

I have written about Self Care in the past, right?  When talking with other moms I like to soap-box and wax eloquently on this topic.  Yet, it has always been hard for me to do self care!  Perhaps it has been because I have understood Self Care, but not Self Compassion.  For the first time in my adult life I'm beginning to understand that there is such a thing as the Mystery of Self Compassion.

Do you sit and think sometimes that there is such a thing as a "Good Mother"?  Do you spend a large amount of your day trying to figure out ways to achieve the belief that you are included in the rare breed of that title: Good Mom?  Not sure?  Try saying to yourself: "Eryn (your name, not mine;), you are a Good Mom!"

How did that feel?

I'm learning how to sit with that.  To be with that statement, letting it seep into the pores a bit.  But the first time I heard it from another person I cringed.  The first time I said it to myself my body had a reaction- like, "Nuh uh!  That's not truth you crazy!"

What is it about that word that makes it so cringe-worthy?  Good.  You are Good.  Good Mom.  Good Friend.  Good Person.

I think there is an opposing force that we don't ever want to talk about.
This Thing will keep us striving for doing better, trying and trying, hoping against rationale that our circumstances will change and maybe then we will feel better.  This thing loves to show up the minute things don't go well or according to plan.  This thing, this silent epidemic, will keep us judging each other, then cycling back around to harshly judging ourselves, then back to judging other mothers and women with Comparison; the spiral continues.
It's not just a "bad feeling"; it's a Bad Being type of Thing.

This Thing is called Shame.

Shame is a lie that roots itself so deeply inside that we don't recognize It Is A Lie, like a Cancer that our body doesn't acknowledge so it begins to attack it's true self.  We don't know what is Good or Bad in us when we feel Shame come on.  We don't know what to do or How to be.  We can cope with it, survive with it, but cannot overcome it alone.

So here is my proposition for us women, mothers, friends, daughters, sisters:  Let's stand together against Shame!  Here is the thing about Shame, it's Achilles heel:  It cannot stand to be spoken.

To stand against Shame is to Speak it.
Tell your story..."yours and I will tell you mine".
Let's tell one another, "You do not have to be good!"
You are Good.
You do not have to earn anything by "walk(ing) through the desert on your knees for a hundred miles, repenting"!!
You cannot earn Who You Are. 

{Now here is where I would insert the following question: "Well you have no idea what I said yesterday to my child....no idea how I yelled.....no clue how mean I was to my husband last night....What if my actions are not good??!?......How can I be good when I do these things??....This is madness talking!  Shut. It. DOWN!"}

In response to this doubter (usually me!) I would say this:  
It. Doesn't. Matter.
I have done that before too. (Hear me!  Yes you... whatever you just thought in your head, I'm sure I have done that before too!)
I have felt that way before too.
Repairing is truly powerful.  And I know you repair well.  Repairing is where the Good Stuff is anyways.
Actions do not define you.  You are you.  Who you are is who you are.  Valuable, Precious, Destined, Special, The Only You.
The formula for doing things better and feeling better is simply Self Compassion.
The way to get to Self Compassion is to tell your Shame to your trusted people.
Speak your Shame and watch it die.

Super Yum Blueberry Muffins, gluten-free and vegan

Ok, so I know the "super yum" may seem excessive.  Not so!  This new GF flour blend that I just started using from Young Living is off the chain!!  Do people still say that?  Well I do ;)  I have enjoyed baking again after a long drought of not making anything and this flour is why!

It's Non-GMO, no preservatives, the seeds are carefully curated for the 5 flour blend, and it contains ancient grains.  I really like the flavor of it better than any other GF brand I have tasted thus far.  It's a Pancake and Waffle mix, but I have been using it for biscuits and other baking.  You know those nights you come home and you are so tired you cannot remember how to cook?  I have been using this flour to save some meals:  these muffins + chicken sausage + a thrown together salad, some chicken broth with some dollops of this thrown in for chicken + dumplings, or even pancakes for dinner!

Do you know about the giveaway that includes this flour, one of my favorite sensory books from my Resource Page, and a CNS supporting oil called Valor?  Head over to my Instagram page for a chance to win this!  If you want it now, you can get started with Young Living here.  Or you can email me at pumpkinspantry (at) gmail (dot) com and we can chat :)

Fun Giveaway with this flour over on Pumpkin's Pantry Instagram 

 

 

Many long-term readers will know that I used to bake professionally.  That means I went to Culinary School, was trained in classic French baking techniques.  Which also means working with gluten flours, dairy, and eggs, all of which we no longer eat in our home due to kids' and adult's food sensitivities/allergies.  So basically all my culinary knowledge had to be re-learned :) 

What I love about this flour is that it contains a balance of 5 different flours when combined makes for a highly structural flour (gluten=structure in baking).  This is why I would recommend it:  It tastes great while not crumbling ;)  And if you are a frequent gluten-free baker, that is a big deal!

check out that not-crumbliness ;)

Would love to hear from any of you if you have tried this flour blend and what you like about it!

Super Yum Blueberry Muffins

gluten-free, vegan friendly, nut-free, corn-free....basically most of the "frees" :)
Makes: 12 muffins

Ingredients

• 1 cup organic blueberries, I used frozen
• 1 1/2 cups (180g) Gluten-Free Pancake & Waffle Mix from Young Living
• 1/2 (60 g) cup potato starch or tapioca starch, plus 1 Tbsp extra, set aside
• 1/2 Tbsp aluminum-free Baking Powder
• 1/2 tsp Baking Soda
• 1/4 tsp Salt
• 1 Tbsp egg replacer (my new favorite is Neat Egg)
• 1/2 cup coconut sugar, or other granulated sugar
• 1/2 cup dairy-free butter substitute or coconut oil
• 3/4 cup dairy-free yogurt, I use coconut milk yogurt (can sub full-fat coconut milk + 1 tsp apple cider vinegar)

Method

• Pre-heat oven to 350 F.
• Mix the blueberries and 1 T starch in a bowl until the blueberries are all coated.
• Mix the 6 dry ingredients (flour- salt) in a bowl, whisking all dry ingredients together.
• Melt butter if needed and add both the butter/oil and yogurt to the dry ingredients and combine well with spatula
• Using an ice cream scoop or spatula, scoop into greased muffin tin- Yields 12 Large Muffins.

Detox Sweetheart Smoothie

Hey friends!  Wondering why I haven't been posting as much here lately?  I have been hanging out a lot on Instagram- that's why!  Follow me @pumpkinspantry for even more recipes and resources.  Also working on updating the Resources page and merging it with recipes to make everything easy to find!

If you have been following me on IG, you know that I am doing a cleanse/ detox of sorts.  I'm not following a specific plan and I will be posting on it soon, but like all things for our individual health- it is my personal plan and may not work well for everyone!  It is comprehensive and has been tweaked over several years of researching what is best for my body.  But I do feel like I have gleaned some universal things that I want to share so be looking for that soon.  I feel terrific and am 9 days in!

Part of my detox plan is no sugar, meaning no sugar of any type (honey, turbinado, coconut sugar, maple syrup- nothin!).  So today's recipe is helping me have a little something sweet, is full of antioxidants, and is still within my cleansing limits!  It's adapted from my Big Pink Smoothie recipe from a few years back.  Enjoy it this month as it is perfect for the lovely month of February <3.

Detox Sweetheart Smoothie

serves 1-2 people

Ingredients: 

• 1 1/2 cups non-dairy yogurt, divided (I used home-made coconut milk yogurt in mine)
• 2 tsp vanilla bean paste, divided
• 1 cup frozen or fresh cherries (I use a mix of frozen tart cherries and fresh org. rainier cherries)
• 1 cup frozen beets (yes beets ;) you can find them in the freezer section all cut up and ready to go!)
• 3 drops lime vitality from Young Living (or regular lime essential oil or juice of 1/2 lime)
• frozen banana to sweeten- optional

Method:

• In high powered blender, like Vitamix, mix half the yogurt, cherries, beets, and 1 tsp of vanilla bean paste until completely blended and smooth, stir in lime essential oil at the end.
• Empty into container.  Then mix the remaining yogurt, 1 tsp vanilla bean paste, and a handful of ice or frozen banana if using instead of ice.  If you want the bottom part to be purely white, then mix this first and switch these two steps- I wanted it to be a light pink so I just mixed it in the Vitamix after I emptied out my other mixture.
• Place into glasses with heaviest mixture on bottom and enjoy with stainless straws!

A Healthier Holiday

A couple good friends and I are putting on a Facebook event tonight for tips, recipes, and ideas on how to have A Healthier Holiday season.

Just click on the link and join in through Facebook tonight at 7:30 PM CST.  Would love to have you join us!  I always love hearing what others share what they do to de-stress, or what recipes they love.  I get such inspiration from other people's good habits ;)

I will be sharing quite a bit about allergen-friendly holiday tips too!

And to kick us off, here are three of my favorite Thanksgiving Recipes:

Cranberry Carrot Slaw

No-Bake Black-bottom Peanut Butter Pie

Lemon Oil Chess Pie

Pineapple Marshmallow Walnut Salad

This was one of my most favorite treats to have growing up (although, to be fair it was often served and eaten as a "side" here in the South :).  With the recent upgrades in the non-dairy world, I was super pumped to find this dairy-free Coconut Cool-whip alternative!

I will be bringing this to Thanksgiving this year as a side dish, in true Southern fashion ;).  It's also great to take to potlucks so there is an allergy-friendly treat there.

It's nothing fancy, but super yum :P

Pineapple Marshmallow Walnut Salad

dairy-free, vegan, gluten-free, can be nut free if you leave out walnuts

Ingredients:

• 1 Tub Coconut whipped topping
• 2 Tbsp melted coconut oil
• 1 small, 6 oz. can of crushed pineapple, drained of juice
• 1/2 cup marshmallows of choice
• 1/2 cup walnuts, chopped
• 1/4 tsp pure vanilla extract

Method: 

• Stir all ingredients together in bowl.
• Let sit in refrigerator for 20-30 minutes to re-set. 
• Serve and enjoy!