The time I forgot the spoons

Today I forgot the plastic spoons in my kids’ lunches.  May seem like a non-consequential act, but I was in tears about it.

Let me set the scene:

Alisa, my oldest girl, had mentioned to me that the plastic spoons might need to be put in their lunch bags sine she noticed there was applesauce cups in their lunches.  Background: she fears I will forget things.  She comes from a history of people forgetting to take care of her in very important ways.  It’s completely understandable that she would be somewhat hypervigilant about spoons in bags.

However, I was annoyed.

I went into a speech about how I’m the mom and how it’s my job to take care of her.  “You don’t need to worry about things like spoons; that’s MY job- the Mommy!”  I wasn’t yelling, but I wasn’t sweet.  I was quite sure I packed them in their brown sacks since I made sure to pack them the night before so they would be ready to go for their field trip.

Sweet girl that she is, just apoligized and moved on.  I was satisfied that she chose to trust me in that moment.

And then an hour after I had dropped off the girls at school I found them.  Plastic spoons on. the. counter.

All I could think in that moment was that Alisa must feel so uncared for and all her fears of me not taking care would come crashing in on her and she would have a melt down at the Tellus Science Museum!

May seem dramatic, but those were my thoughts.  I cried.  I felt terrible.  I felt shame.

I hold myself large in my mind; my actions are weighty and too important. 

He is bigger than my mistakes.  I am learning to hold both the true weight of my faults and mistakes in one hand and His covering and forgiveness in the other and forgive myself.

If you have a need to forgive yourself for something you did as a parent today, please do it!  You have been covered!  And no matter how much your actions loom large, they are never bigger than Him and His ability to overcome!

I am not responsible for who I am.  He is responsible for His creation- He gave me my identity.  I did not create myself.  Nor can I create for myself a better or worse identity, true identity.  My identity comes from Him alone.

Since He is the "I AM"; I am the "you are"- no qualifiers or quantifiers.

Therefore, I am not my actions.  My actions or misactions are not who I am or who I am not.

Please hear that today dear mother, loving dads.  You are!  You have been made and created for pleasure and a purpose.  I hope these words encourage you as you tackle the mistakes you make and the challenges of parenting.

Sweet recipes for your Valentine

Spent today looking back through the archives to find some ideas for my Valentine's Day weekend alone with the kiddos.  Thought I would share some of my favorite finds from over the years.  [I also noticed I have a thing for beets when it comes to recipe development ;)  Which is great for my health since they pack in tons of fiber and antioxidants with their rich purple-red goodness!]

I rarely use eggs and never use dairy, soy or gluten in my baking so all these treats are friendly to all sorts of allergies.

For the kiddos, a deceptively healthy Big Pink Smoothie (shhh! there's vegetables in there :)  I will make this one Valentines Day's Breakfast.

I just might make one for just me this weekend :)

Paleo Friendly Treats:

Cherry Surprise Ice Cream would be nice, but you might want to use frozen organic cherries this time of year.

 Chocolate Cherry Almond Blondies

These are Paleo AND Vegan friendly, which doesn't come around too often ;)

Grasshopper Cookie Pie could be my favorite recipe I have made myself.  I have re-made this one more than any other recipe.  This pie also fits the bill for Paleo or Vegans as well since the filling is no-bake and dairy and egg free.  You can also use peppermint essential oil in this if you want to replace the peppermint extract and since it's raw, you still get all the digestive benefits of the peppermint oil.

For the Healthier Chocolate Lover 

Candles and Story

If you know me or follow this blog, you may have heard or seen me speak about connecting with our children.  

Connection: the melding of hearts after a hard-fought period through muck and ugliness and heartache to get to a place where you are on the same side, the same team.

Easier said than done, right?

I have an amazing opportunity this weekend to share with some Created for Care adoptive mamas who I know struggle, as I do and have, with this whole connection thing.  As I have been thinking and praying about what it is that I am to give them, my story is what keeps coming to the surface.  Few things are more powerful than story.

Jim Gaffigan says it best when he talks about being a parent of multiple children, "Imagine you are drowning, and someone hands you a baby!"  We became parents of three- all at once- no time to get used to holding just one child up in the pool, much less all three :)  While this sentiment is hilarious and mostly true, it also sheds light on the reality of the feeling of overwhelm I had when my children first came home.

All the thoughts were swimming.  Can they heal?  Can I heal?  Will they be able to read/learn/calm/write/be social?  Will we find and grow into a connection with each other?  Would I ever feel sane again?

Amidst all of this time of floundering and struggling, there was a small voice that answered, "Yes" to all these questions.

And this is my hope for you, if you are in this floundering time, this time of overwhelm and fatigue, know that He also has a "Yes" for you and your children.  This is not the end of your story...

And as a testimony to His "Yes" for me and my children, we had a fun, relaxing day where directions were followed, laughter had, eye contact was celebrated, and relationships deepened between me and my two girls.

And we made candles!  These we really easy and I let the girls pick out which oils they wanted in their own candle.  And we thoroughly enjoyed each other :)

diy candles

Makes 4 1/2 cup candles

• 2 cups natural soy wax (a bag of this is usually available in craft stores like Hobby Lobby)
• 1/2 cup small mason jars
• 4" free standing wicks (also available in craft stores)
• Essential oils for scent- you do have to use a fair amount per candle- we used 10-12 drops per candle.  Here were some combos the girls came up with, but the possibilities are limitless:
• Spearmint and Peace & Calming
• Joy and Forgiveness 
• Peppermint & Thieves
• Grapefruit and Peppermint

Instructions:

• Melt all the wax into a double boiler
• When liquid, dip the bottom of the wick and press into the bottom of the clean mason jar
• Then fill with liquid wax
• Add essential oils to each individual candle
• Cool in refrigerator or freezer for faster cooling time
• Trim the excess wick with scissors and light
• You can dye them with natural dyes.  I used beets for these, but next time I think I will just do white ones